In Gratitude To jagdish tytler

Why is jagdish tytler apologising? What does he have to apologise about? After all, he - in his own words-

"actually abused the governor as he was enjoying his drink while the carnage was on."

Let us rather express our gratitude at all he and those of his ilk have done for us.



They gave our husbands, sons, fathers, brothers, and sometimes, our wives, mothers and, daughters, as well as our good friends, the opportunity to achieve shaheedi in righteous battle.




They gave our women - our mothers, sisters, daughters and friends - the opportunity to overcome the effects - emotional and physical - of being beaten and gang-raped. They even gave some of our women the opportunity to widen the gene pool by bearing children thus conceived.


They gave our widows the opportunity to show their chardi kala by raising their children with few or no possessions and no male breadwinner and without the love and comfort of a husband.



They gave our children the opportunity to show their strength and intelligence by growing up without a male role-model in the home, without stability or security. He gave our children the opportunity to learn to turn to drugs (including alcohol) in an attempt to handle these things missing in their lives.

(NO PICTURE HERE. I REFUSE TO SHOW A TURBANED SIKH SHOOTING DRUGS )

He gave our whole community the opportunity to show the world that Sikhs are strong and resilient and refuse to stop seeking justice no matter how many times we are slapped down, humiliated, laughed at and blamed.

In light of all this, perhaps he shouldn't be apologising to us; perhaps we should apologise to him for wanting to see him hanging from the business end of a rope.

APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED

--
WHY TRY TO FIT IN? YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT!

My Bad - Reconsidering - Another Link

UPDATE: Those following the story of this young girl will probably interested in going to this link.

Growing up in my Dad's family, one of his strictest rules was to look at an issue from at least two, and usually more, viewpoints before taking a stand. This was much practiced at our dinner table when we would be in a hot dispute about something, anything, and Dad would suddenly shout: 'Switch!' That was the signal to start arguing, with equal vigour, the opposing point of view. His theory was that you couldn't really understand anything, if you didn't understand the other side. And who knows, maybe the other guy will turn out to be right. Narrow mindedness is unSikh.

Another of his strict rules involved kindness. There might be times when kindness is uncalled-for - I think of us in Delhi, for example - but in general, you should be kind. Unnecessary unkindness just adds to the pain in the world and accomplishes nothing positive. And is unSikh.

My last post violated both principals. I saw something and reacted - immediately - purely on an emotional level. I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach, that the dead bodies of my family lying at my feet were being treated as meaningless, in short, I took this whole thing very personally. (If Vini were here, she would never have permitted me to be so harsh.)

Let me be clear: I cannot condone changing one's religion for reasons of expediency, no matter what religion from or to. I think these parents are making a grave mistake. But I do not doubt that their daughter's welfare is their utmost concern. Clearly, she is loved and cherished, as all daughters should be, and her parents are acting from love.

Perhaps their local sangat could send someone who, like myself, survived the tragedy of 1984, who had family members murdered for being Sikh, to talk to them and show them the brilliant jewel that is Sikhi and help them see what it is they are throwing away. These parents need to be taught, not insulted and reviled.

So Mr. B Singh and Mrs. B. Kaur, I apologise for my harsh words. Now please, if you will listen to me, for your own sakes as well as your lovely daughter, reconsider.

To CK, whose comment made me rethink this: I believe that it is very Sikh to stand up and say 'I was wrong.' Thank you for pointing out my misbehaviour. I will be more careful and kind in the future. Mai

(Suni and Vini had nothing to do with that post)

'A Big Apology'

Earlier this month we received this e-mail. Thinking that the readers of our blog might like to read it, we have received the author's permission to publish it. We had offered to leave his name off, but he said it was matter of honour to him to support our cause. He is now 33 years old and has recently moved to America. Here is his letter.

Respected writer,
I today happened to read about your life incidents on the
October 31 - November 6, 1984. I am very sorry for what had happened back then,
I just can't imagine the pain you must have gone through, If anything I offer
you heart felt condolences and a big and sincere apology on behalf of all Hindus
who participated in that gory act of vandalism and hate. Please understand that
tragedy was the work of very mindless individuals; and the larger community all
around the India at that time and still do sympathize with the victims and their
near and dear ones and if possible please don't hate all Hindus for the this
very reason.
Respectfully Yours
Suresh Sharma

Here is the reply from Maman (Vini):

Esteemed reader, Mr. Sharma,

Thank you for your gracious
note. Yes, we had a lot of pain and we still do and we always
will.
Goodwill and the hope that people will not let it happen again
help keep us
going. Of course, we do not hate all Hindus. I
think I don't hate
any Hindus. I want justice, though. We all
do.

Thank
you again for your note.

Sincere
regards to you and your
family,

Vini Kaur

And here is the reply from Mai and Suni:

Dear Mr. Sharma,

The three of us have been discussing your letter since
it came to our in boxes yesterday. Maman (Vini) has already answered you. So
this is from Mai and Suni, with Mai actually writing and Suni kibbitzing.

We are grateful for your sentiments. We hope our blog has put a human
face on this tragedy. After all, these things happened to real people, like us,
two normal, ordinary Sikh women caught up in abnormal, extraordinary
circumstances. We are more than happy to accept your apology on your own behalf.
Your sincerity is apparent and quite moving. However, you cannot really
apologise for others who may or may not be sorry for what they did. And I have
not heard a single apology from a real participant, only from a Sikh Prime
Minister on behalf of the government. I realise, of course, that an individual's
apology might result in legal trouble, so I don't expect any such thing.

If your sincerity extends to wanting to do something, might I suggest
aiding the survivors in Delhi? Many of them are living in a physical as well as
a mental and emotional hell. I know they accept any help with great gratitude.
We are fortunate ourselves, we could easily have ended up in that condition and
we ache for our sisters and our brothers who have not been able to recover even
financially.

Another, much more minor thing, you could do is not to
ridicule us; I'm sure you don't do that anyway. But these sardar jokes, the
Bollywood portrayals and the Santa/Banta jokes which aren't even funny have got
to go. It is much easier to mistreat people who are already treated with
disrespect.

As for hating Hindus, we simply don't, for lots of reasons.
To begin with, prejudice is a very heavy burden to bear - as well as being
immoral. It would be against the very foundation of Sikhism for us to indulge in
such evil.

A second reason, one we cannot tell in our blog, although we
wish we could, is that Hindus saved our lives.

It was like this:

THIS PART MUST BE DELETED AT THE
REQUEST OF OUR RESCUERS.

But they are the only reason you
are reading this now.

In addition, the other members of the household,
who all survived uninjured, hid with Hindu friends, who were also taking risks
in aiding them.

On the other hand, on a lighter note, we do demand a
special respect from our Hindu friends - of which we have many - reminding them
that if it weren't for us Sikhs, they might well be called Muhammed or Miriam.

We appreciate the fact that you signed your name. That took a great deal
of courage.

We would like your permission to post your letter - without
your name, of course - on our blog. I'm sure many Singhs and Singhnis would be
very happy to read it. Please think about this: if you look for that bit of God
in each individual, you could never possibly mistreat anyone, ever.

With
warmest regards,

Mai and Suni

We have no idea how our readers will react to this, but we thought you should be given an opportunity to reply.