05 March 2007

Thoughts in the Night

I have a major problem sleeping at night. As I have stated elsewhere, I think my last full night's sleep was on October 30, 1984. So I often lie awake random thoughts buzzing in my head. Many of these thoughts take me back to that time.

Last night before going to bed, I read some news accounts of Hola Maholla, which gave me some hope that perhaps we will someday realise our dream of Khalistan. I pray that this young generation really will have the strength and fervour to carry on as our ancestors did. I read so much about how wussy this generation is; I refuse to believe it.

One particular thought came to me about 1984. It could, in fact, be about many occasions of our history, but I happened to be there in 1984. Our enemies broke our hearts and broke our bodies, but they could not break our spirit or our will. They wounded our spirit. They wounded our will. But they couldn't break us. We are still here, and by the grace of Guru, we will remain here.

They broke my heart.
They broke my body.
They did not break my spirit.
They did not break my will.

From a different context:

I'll come back even

Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've strengthened
conviction in my soul

From I Am Woman


A Personal Note To Our Readers

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa. Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

We had intended to quit posting to this blog since we felt our stories were complete. But since we have gotten several e-mails and comments, we have decided to continue posting. However since we have come to the end of our 1984 stories, the nature will have to change. We don't know exactly where we'll be going from here, only that it will have to do with our experiences and lives as Sikh women in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries of the common era, as we continue on the road to Khalistan.

We would whole-heartedly welcome guest authors who would write about their own experiences and reactions to the tragedies that befell our people in 1984. If you would like to be such a guest author, just e-mail us. We really do answer all e-mails. Obviously we can't answer anonymous comments personally because we have no way to contact you.

Vini (Maman) is tired of confronting 1984 on a daily basis and Suni needs to get back to her professional work, so most of this blog will have to fall on Mai, who already has her sometimes 2 blog. All three of us will OK each post before it goes in.

Someone has asked about the photos we took of all of us before the battle. Yes, we do have those and, no, we are not ready to publish them. One reason for blogging on the Internet instead of publishing a book is to preserve our privacy; clearly posting pictures of us would destroy that. Also, Mani wanted proof that we had not cut our hair, so the pictures show all of us with our hair down and open, pictures that to the men would border on pornographic. They are beautiful pictures, but just for us. The pictures of us fully dressed, as already stated would show our identities, which we prefer to remain hidden.

Also our rescuers took photos of the aftermath of the fighting. I think our reasons for keeping those to ourselves should be obvious. They are gruesome and graphic and unbearably personal and painful to us. We cannot bear the thought of anyone looking at them gloating over our loss and we simply cannot permit them to be shown publicly at this time. Let us be totally frank here: Suni is willing to publish them. Vini and Mai are not. But the two of us have given our permission for their publication when we are no longer living. We think, however, that they will never be published on a public blog because they are so graphic that the blog would end up being flagged. Yes, they are that bad.

So we continue as best we can.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa. Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

Vini, Suni and Mai (Dharma Kaur Khalsa)