Mai? Mai. Mai!

A very dear friend of mine is impatiently waiting for me to explain how I came up with this strange, unSikh sounding name of Mai Laya. Since I haven't told this story online before, I decided to put it here, in case anyone has ever wondered. Actually, it ties together two of the great events in my life, my birth and my marriage.

First I'll dispose of 'Laya.' Blame that on Google. I was always Mai, just Mai, but when I registered for an account, they wanted, no, they insisted on a second name. I could have - probably should have - used Kaur, but at that time, I had not yet returned to the Sangat and all things Sikh and I felt I had no right to use that name. I almost randomly chose Laya from Himalaya. It does sound euphonious with Mai, eh?

"Mai", however, has a real story.

Chapter One
I Am Born
(That reminds me of Melanie reading David Copperfield from the movie Gone With The Wind.)

When it was time for my birth, my mother went to stay with her family. I'm not sure why. I think that she and Dad were not getting along and she didn't want him around. She waited and waited, getting angrier and more impatient by the day. It seems I was in no hurry to get into this world and arrived two weeks after the projected due date.

In being born, though, I made up for lost time. There was no time to call the doctor, much less get her to the hospital. It must have been the shortest labour in history.

After all that, I was a girl.

No, not that silly Punjabi prejudice against the girlchild. Dad had enough sons anyway. In his family, there is a genetic condition that affects all the girls born. Usually, they die as babies or very young children. My mother said, "They live just long enough to break your heart." She had three girls, all of whom died, before me and was not at all willing to go through that heartbreak again. She hadn't wanted another child to begin with and now she had as little to do with me as was possible. Beyond feeding me, she paid little attention to me.

Of course, Dad was called and he and my brothers, all seven of them, came running, along with a friend of the youngest. He arrived in a few minutes, bellowing "Waheguru!" partly from joy and partly he wanted that to be the first word I ever heard. (It wasn't, of course, my mother was cursing in furious anger the whole time.)

In those days, doctors were more willing to make housecalls and her ob/gyn came to the house. I don't know all the details, but she stayed home and didn't go to the hospital until going to be checked up a few days later. I guess there weren't as many malpractice suits then as now. After a time, all the medical details were taken care of - it was not true that Dad cut my umbilical cord with his kirpan, I'm not sure who started that story - I was cleaned up, wrapped up in a baby blanket and my mother gave me my first meal and then went to sleep.

Dad and eight boys were left in charge of a tiny baby girl. (My mother's family never accepted our father and brothers. They were/are not nice people. They didn't like me either.) According to my Dad, I was the most beautiful baby ever born, with a full head of hair - after all, they had an extra two weeks to grow - and huge blue eyes and I gurgled nicely.

He whispered "Waheguru" in my ears a few more times and slipped a tiny kara on my wrist.

So what to do with me? Dad was very comfortable with young babies, but my brothers weren't. Dad teased them all a bit and I was passed from brother to brother until I came to my brother's ten year old friend. He was terrified to hold this new, little life, but finally Dad shamed him into taking me. I was laid in his waiting arms - and promptly threw up all over him! The boy and the new-born baby just stared into each other's eyes.

Dad threw back his head and laughed and laughed and laughed. Finally he bellowed, "This one won't put up with cowards. I see we have another Mai Bhago on our hands!" I have been Mai ever since.

So, you see, I was actually Mai before I was Harinder.

Mai is, after all, a Sikh name. At least my Mai is. I was always brought with that lady as my ideal, a true warrior princess and servant of Guru Gobind Singh Ji.

How does the marriage come in?

That ten year old boy was Mani. We were married 18 years later to the day.

None of these pictures are actually of me. I chose that particular painting of Mai Bhago (Mata Bhag Kaur) because I used to ride a white horse, as well. Not that I am much like this great Singhni!).
--
WHY TRY TO FIT IN? YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT!

K P - Gill Tells Who He Is

I came across this story through a Google Alert and just had to share it with you.

He implies that our kakkars are "lucky charms" and says point blank that they are "just a matter of personal belief"! And at the same time he seems to believe that he is a personal agent of "God." Spiritually, he seems to be a close cousin, or maybe even a clone of George W. Bush. By the way, I did not doctor the picture; I took it straight out of the TOI.

I suggest you read this on an empty stomach.

Printed from



I AM: KPS Gill
12 Oct 2008, 1030 hrs IST, TNN



I really don’t know if I’m spiritual, for I am not cast in a traditionally religious mould. As a Sikh I revere Guru Gobind Singh, but I don't observe “paath” or prayers as an everyday ritual.

I am rather a very action-oriented person and unless I can apply something in my life, I don’t consider myself qualified enough to talk on that subject. But yes, I do believe in God and the fact that all of us are His creation. I don’t pray very particularly or visit temples regularly, but do what I feel is right as per my conscience because I feel our soul has direct communication with God.

During the days of extremism in Punjab, where I was posted as the police chief, it would be no less than a personal bereavement for me to see people around me dying everyday. I have seen despair and disappointment from very close quarters; it was so disheartening to see men and women like you and me falling victims to bullets. But somewhere inside me, I had this conviction that God had sent me to a terror-affected place with a purpose and He will give me enough power to root it out someday.

I faced death everyday, but not once did it to scare me. In fact, there was a time when every move made by my team yielded positive results and it was then that my belief became stronger that the Supreme Being himself was guiding me at every step.

Even though we were later accused of committing excesses in the name of stamping out terrorism, it didn’t waver my faith in what I did, because it was He who made me do what He wanted me to. I believed, therefore I did. I have read the Guru Granth Sahib, the Bhagvada Gita, Quran and the Bible and realised that the basic tenets of every religion are the same. So it's really very difficult to understand how people can fight in the name of religion.

Whatever set of beliefs I have today have been a result of my upbringing - not just my parents, but also the places and circumstances I was brought up in. My father served at Paonta Sahib, the place that is associated with Guru Gobind Singh. In fact, it was because of an inherent desire to follow the Guru that I have kept a beard. I don't wear any lucky charms. The five Ks, as mentioned in the Sikh religion, had a purpose to serve at the time they were conceptualised; today, they are just a matter of personal belief. Right now, I am trying to help people around me through small but meaningful ways.

(As told to Divya A)

Jagmohan Singh Ahuja - Before And After Picture

I am in tears. My heart aches inside me.

I have been following and writing about this case of the Sikh prisoner in Florida who had his kesh forcibly cut and shaved. Please take a good look at these pictures. I hope posting these does not further humiliate our brother, but I think this needs to be seen. So take a good long look. If this doesn't break any Sikh's heart...

In no way do I excuse his beating his wife. He deserves to be prosecuted and imprisoned for that. I do not accept that he didn't understand that what may be acceptable in Afghanistan is not acceptable in America - if he really did say such a thing, which is open to question.

But prosecution is not persecution. I come from a family where our members have proven under fire that they would die before cutting/shaving. Our hair is Vaheguru's gift to us and keeping it is Guru's gift to us.

We must stand with Brother Jagmohan Singh Ahuja and United Sikhs to end this gross violation of human rights.

To sign the United Sikhs petition to stop this outrage, click here. According to the United Sikhs page, 3353 have signed this petition. Where are the rest of you? Please. This takes only a minute. How many times I have I heard, I'd like to help, but I have no time, no money, whatever. This takes no money and very little time. Can't we unite and do what we can to help this brother and any other Sikh inmates in Florida prisons? So move those fingers on your keyboards and go sign this petition!

Despite Protests City Stands By Inmate Haircut Policy

POSTED: 4:40 pm EDT October 6, 2008
UPDATED: 9:59 pm EDT October 6, 2008


JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Members of the Sikh religion and the America Civil Liberties Union marched outside the Duval County Jail Sunday, claiming an inmate's religious rights were violated when he was forced to cut his hair and have his face shaved.

Sikhs said Jagmohan Ahuja, a member of their religion, had his long hair cut his beard and mustache shaved while behind bars.

Ahuja, 36, has been held since April 29 on three misdemeanor charges relating to violation of protective order and violation of probation. According to the jail Web site, he is not eligible for bond.

On Monday, the city's attorney released a statement saying, "When an inmate's religious practices compromise the safety and security of our corrections facilities, safety and security must take precedence."

Nonetheless, members of the Sikh religion said they want change.

"We won't stop here until the policy is changed," said Jaspreet Singh of United Sikhs. "It's completely against our religion to cut any hair on our body. It's considered an integral part of our body, part of what you are."

According to reports, when police arrested Ahuja, he told the officer, "I am from Afghanistan and in my country it is perfectly acceptable to beat your wife."

Ahuja is now serving a three-year sentence.

"The state of Florida convicted him and sentenced him to three years in jail. Not three years plus violate his religious rights," Singh said.

On Monday, Channel 4 received the following statement from the city's attorney:

"The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office is committed to respecting and accommodating the religious beliefs of all our inmates population. However, when an inmate's religious practices compromise the safety and security of our corrections facilities, safety and security must take precedence. The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office has a long-standing policy that mandates sentenced male inmates have short hair and wear no head coverings. This policy is consistent with that of many other correctional facilities throughout Florida and the United States. This policy is necessary to assure the safety of all inmates and corrections officers, by limiting an inmate's ability to conceal contraband and/or weapons. This policy has been determined by courts to be lawful. While we fully respect the involved inmate's religious beliefs, the safety and security of our correctional facility must prevail."

Previous Stories:
Inmate Claims Shave, Haircut Violated Rights

Pictures From Srinigar, Kashmir

No Comment Necessary

Sandeep's Hukamnama

One day when he was about five or six as I was tying up his hairs, our son Sandeep made a request. It went something like this:




Usually this was our special time together when he and I discussed whatever was on his mind. That morning, he was acting a bit distant and distracted. Clearly he had something on his mind. 'Mata Ji, I have a question.' That told me he was very serious. Usually I was mommy or mum.


I stopped my combing and looked at him.


'When you and Papa Ji can't figure out something, you ask Guru Ji, right?'


'Yes, of course.'


'And it's like Guru Ji is really and truly talking just to you?'


'Yes, it's really wonderful. Not always easy to understand, but always to the point if you think about it'


'Can I do that?' He was so young, but he had been taught Gurmukhi for years and he could read it quite well, better than his French or English, in fact. (Remember we lived in Quebec, hence the French.) I wasn't sure how well he could understand all the meaning - after all, he was still a little boy - but certainly he was capable of reading it. He stopped a moment. 'I mean, MAY I do that?'


'You want to take a Hukamnama? I suppose you're knowledgeable enough to do it. And I know you love Guru Ji. Certainly.' I couldn't help but wonder what was so very important to him.


He sat impatiently while I finished his hairs and tied his patka. Then jumped up, ran to the bathroom, washed up and headed straight to Guru Ji's room. I had trouble keeping up with him. So there he was standing there on his tip-toes, still not quite tall enough to open and read. I got him a little stool. He smiled and jumped up on it. 'Perfect!'


I stood there a moment beside him. 'Would you like me to help you?' He gave me that 'Mommy, puh-lease' look. I reluctantly walked away and sat down clear across the room from him.



He closed his eyes for a moment, then reverently uncovered Guru Ji, gently opened him and began his reading, punctuating now and them with a soft, reflective 'hmmm.' After some time, he closed Guru Ji, recovered him, carefully stepped down from the stool, made a matha tek (!).

For the first time, he looked at me. His eyes were shining and his expression was a rather serious-looking smile.

I was dying of curiosity, of course, but only asked, 'Did you get your answer.'

This time a broad, happy grin. 'Oh, yes! Of course!'

Something stopped me from asking more. This was between his Guru Ji and him.

He ran off without saying anything more.

When Mani came home, I told him what had happened. He beamed. 'So Sandeep took his first Hukamnama! So young. And he seemed to understand. What was he asking about?' I admitted that I hadn't a clue.

When Sandeep came in, Mani said that I had told him that he had taken a Hukamnama that day.

That broad, beaming smile and those big, glowing grey eyes. 'Yes. That's right. You know, Guru Ji is wonderful. He really knows what he's talking about.'

And that was that. Every day, I waited for him to volunteer was this was all about. Not a word. Not a clue.

That was this first of many discussions that Sandeep had with his dhan, dhan Guru Ji. Usually he would discuss it with me or his dad, but not this first one. I never did find out what he had asked about, what was on his mind that day. It was just between him and his Guru..

For a very funny read about patkas, go here. Really! It's worth a click!

Pictures of child praying courtesy of Simmal Tree.

Nonvisible Sikhs Welcome In France

Just FYI:

Published on SikhNet (http://www.sikhnet.com)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarkozy welcomes Sikhs sans turbans

Daily News News EU
French President Nicolas Sarkozy, at the concluding press conference of the European Union/India Summit in Marseille, France, stood next to Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, a Sikh wearing a light blue turban, as he answered this reporter's (Tejinder Singh) question about the wearing of turbans by Sikhs in France. Regarding the required Sikh head covering, an integral part of their religious identity, Sarkozy, replied curtly, "Sir, we respect Sikhs. We respect their customs, their traditions. They are most welcome to France."

Visibly irritated, Sarkozy continued, "But sir, we have rules, rules concerning the neutrality of civil servants, rules concerning secularism, and these rules don't apply only to Sikhs, they apply to Muslims or others. They apply to all on the territory of the French Republic."

The practice by Sikhs of allowing one's hair to grow naturally is a symbol of respect, the most important of the five outward symbols required of all Sikhs, and the turban is worn to cover the uncut hair. Sarkozy explained that the banning of turbans is not discrimination, that, "These rules apply to everybody, to everybody with no exception. There is no discrimination whatsoever."

Making it clear to the Sikh community in France that they have no option other than to conform to the rules, [Mai here: Not so. The Sikhs in France have at least two options. They can pick up their marbles and leave, as did my sixth brother, a long-time resident of la belle France. Or they can stay and fight this horrible law in various ways, ranging from fighting for repeal to opening their own schools. But Sikhs just give up and accept this? I don't think so. Evidently, Pres. Sarkozy has never heard of chardi kala.] Sarkozy made the paradoxical statement, "We respect their traditions and their customs and we are convinced that they too respect the laws, traditions and customs of the French Republic."

Discrimination begins early in France

In 2004, three Sikh boys, Jasvir Singh, Bikramjit Singh and Ranjit Singh, were expelled from French schools for wearing turbans. These students were the first victims of the ban instituted which prohibits Sikh students from covering their hair at school, a decision that has prompted world-wide protest from the Sikh community.

Commenting on the discrimination and its impact on children, Mejindarpal Kaur, the Director of United Sikhs, a worldwide Sikh organisation, stated in a press release that a preliminary survey of Sikh children affected by the French law found that 84 percent of the students interviewed were prevented from wearing head coverings to school. The survey also revealed that students had been expelled from French schools for refusing to remove their turbans, and many more suffered from alienation by their peers.

Also in 2004, Shingara Singh Mann, a French Sikh, reported he was prohibited from renewing his driver's license after it was lost in a theft because he was wearing a turban to cover his uncut hair.

On December 5, 2005 the French High Court ruled in favour of Shingara Singh Mann, giving him the right to wear his turban for his driving license identity photo, overturning an earlier decision by the French Ministry of Transport. But within 24 hours of the court decision, the Ministry issued a circular expressly forbidding turbans to be worn in driver's license photographs.

Kudrat Singh, Director of United Sikhs in France, said, "This is an example of oppression and discrimination which has not been seen in France for decades, and calls into question whether one can be both Sikh and French." According to legal opinions, the ban is a violation of Article 9 of the European Convention of Human Rights (ECHR) which provides for right to freedom of religion.

MEP Gill urges EU action

Asked to comment, Neena Gill, a member of the European Parliament had said, "I am astounded by the level of discrimination that is in fact growing … it is not confined to France … it is in Belgium, in Germany and it really smacks against all these initiatives that the European Commission is constantly launching."

However, solutions aimed at nurturing "unity in diversity," the European Union's frequently appearing slogan, are already working in the United Kingdom, one of the member states of the European Union, and across the Atlantic in the United States.

Highlighting the integration and diversity that prevails across the English Channel, Gill, who was born in Punjab, India, said, "If you look at the United Kingdom, you can wear a turban not only in mainstream jobs but also in the police, the army, the air force or the navy. There is no restriction. In fact, the army has special days when they try and recruit people from the Sikh community and the Dastar (turban) is not a problem for them, so I really think we do need to raise awareness, especially from the European Commission in these particular years of Equality and Intercultural Dialogue. We have to target the resources at these issues to ensure that there is greater awareness across the EU in accepting people of different appearances."

US efforts to embrace Sikhs

Discriminatory incidents involving Sikhs increased dramatically as a consequence of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks in the United States. There were numerous cases of discriminatory attacks on Sikhs as they were misunderstood as allies of Osama bin Laden due to their appearance.

While the US is making the effort to remove misunderstanding and give Sikhs their legitimate place in society, in some member states of the European Union, comparable progress and acceptance has flowed in reverse.

US lawmaker speaks out

US Congressman Mike Honda (Democrat-California), who represents Silicon Valley and who is involved in this issue in his capacity as Chairman of the Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus, told this correspondent, "I don't believe in sacrificing freedom in order to protect freedom. Turbans are part of the religious identity of Sikhs and we must strive to respect their freedom of religious expression. A balance can be struck between national security and religious liberties, but that balance can only be reached by consulting all the parties involved, in this case the Sikh community."

"It would be ironic that many Sikhs, who fled their homeland seeking religious freedom, would find that America curtailed their religious freedoms when they arrived upon our shores," Honda had added.

The root cause of the discrimination and a pragmatic solution to root it out was aptly summed up by Jennifer Handshew, a seasoned public relations professional in New York who had told this journalist, "I feel that ignorance and fear are the primary factors that fuel this discrimination and believe that education and awareness will help people better understand what the turban means to the Sikhs."

What Handshew and others suggest provide a succinct analysis and a solution, but for now, the door to a respectable life in France for Sikhs has been slammed shut by the French President Sarkozy, in the presence of Indian Premier Manmohan Singh, himself a member of the Sikh community.

Author: Tejinder Singh at the EU-India Summit in Marseille, France
30 September 2008 - Issue : 801



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