29 August 2007

My Bad - Reconsidering - Another Link

UPDATE: Those following the story of this young girl will probably interested in going to this link.

Growing up in my Dad's family, one of his strictest rules was to look at an issue from at least two, and usually more, viewpoints before taking a stand. This was much practiced at our dinner table when we would be in a hot dispute about something, anything, and Dad would suddenly shout: 'Switch!' That was the signal to start arguing, with equal vigour, the opposing point of view. His theory was that you couldn't really understand anything, if you didn't understand the other side. And who knows, maybe the other guy will turn out to be right. Narrow mindedness is unSikh.

Another of his strict rules involved kindness. There might be times when kindness is uncalled-for - I think of us in Delhi, for example - but in general, you should be kind. Unnecessary unkindness just adds to the pain in the world and accomplishes nothing positive. And is unSikh.

My last post violated both principals. I saw something and reacted - immediately - purely on an emotional level. I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach, that the dead bodies of my family lying at my feet were being treated as meaningless, in short, I took this whole thing very personally. (If Vini were here, she would never have permitted me to be so harsh.)

Let me be clear: I cannot condone changing one's religion for reasons of expediency, no matter what religion from or to. I think these parents are making a grave mistake. But I do not doubt that their daughter's welfare is their utmost concern. Clearly, she is loved and cherished, as all daughters should be, and her parents are acting from love.

Perhaps their local sangat could send someone who, like myself, survived the tragedy of 1984, who had family members murdered for being Sikh, to talk to them and show them the brilliant jewel that is Sikhi and help them see what it is they are throwing away. These parents need to be taught, not insulted and reviled.

So Mr. B Singh and Mrs. B. Kaur, I apologise for my harsh words. Now please, if you will listen to me, for your own sakes as well as your lovely daughter, reconsider.

To CK, whose comment made me rethink this: I believe that it is very Sikh to stand up and say 'I was wrong.' Thank you for pointing out my misbehaviour. I will be more careful and kind in the future. Mai

(Suni and Vini had nothing to do with that post)


  1. Thanks Mai.

    I like your attitude, and I can understand your pain. Whenever you pain (of 1984 riots) becomes overwhelming, just remember that during insurgency in Punjab many Hindus were mercilessly killed by Sikh terrorists. Many Hindus had to leave their ancestral homes and move to other, "safer" parts of India. Some of them said that Sikhs used to make fun of them when they showed fear or when they had to hide.

    What I'm trying to say is, a lot of times, bad things happen to good people. I know you may say it's easier for me to say, and if you can believe me, it is not. If not same, I have borne similar tragedies multiple times (three times, to be exact).

    I believe, like Muslims, Sikhs too sometimes suffer from a victim mentality and they cling to their pathos more compared to their blessings. It's easier to resent and hate people and very difficult to move on and appreciate the life God has bestowed upon us.

    Your blog say "Road to Khalistan" (it so much, embarrassingly, sounds like Pakistan); do you think Sikhs will be more secure and prosperous in Khalistan? Do you know the maximum number of female infanticide happens in Punjab? Despite being prosper there is no culture in Punjab. They are more proud of the number of Pajeros they have instead of schools, colleges and research centers. More than 70% of Sikh youth in Punjab are drug addicts. There is no wildlife in Punjab. Many of the chief Gurudwara priests are rapists and murderers. There is a rampant moral decay in the Punjabi Sikh society; there are no values, just money and other materials. Even the rulers, whether Akalis or some other party, are blatantly corrupt. Most Sikhs that perform well do it outside of Punjab. And please don't blame anybody because I consider blaming a big sign of impotency.

    Khalistan is nothing but an illusionary toy in the hands of terrorists, fundamentalists and criminals: people who have least concern for their Sikh brothers and sisters.

  2. Hello, Mai!

    I knew if I left you, you would come to your senses. You always have, in spite of that hot headed temper of yours.

    Most gracious, I think.

    I have been very happy with the way you have managed this blog.

    CK: I am sorry for your pain. Truely, I am, whatever it is. Also I am sorry for the pain of Muslims, Hindus and other Sikhs. Pain is like love. One pain cannot be compared to another. I cannot feel your pain and you cannot feel mine.

    I assure you that Mai does not have a victim mentailty. She has a survivor mentality.

    I live in Amritsar and spend time on family farms of both my husband's family and of Mai's. There are many problems, but Punjab has not become hell. Many of our best young peoples were merdered during Wildrose and there is no way to replase them. There are still many good people, many good Sikhs here.

    The name of this blog refers to the road the three of us travelled to arrive at the belief that we Sikhs need and deserve a homeland. I'm sorry thhat embarrasses you. As to your last sentence.

    Khalistan is nothing but an illusionary toy in the hands of terrorists, fundamentalists and criminals: people who have least concern for their Sikh brothers and sisters.

    Which are we: terrorists, fundamentalists or criminals?

  3. Hi Vini,

    Neither you, nor Mai, and not even thousands, or may be millions (as you would prefer) are terrorists, fundamentalists and criminals, but they surely are following a wrong star. And this star travels on the sky falsely painted by religious fanatics who use the emotional masses to satisfy their own power urges.

    Sorry for the Khalistan-embarrassing expression; we should respect each others' opinions even if we don't agree with them.

    And why do Sikhs need a separate homeland when they cannot even properly control a state? Why do Sikhs, mostly from Punjab, run to other countries if they love their "homeland" so much? And does the homeland include Nankana Sahib too? Would Nankana Sahib (the birthplace of Guru Nanak) be the capital of Khalistan?

    I say it again and again, whenever I get a chance, that Sikhism doesn't exist in symbolism. Sikhism is a thought, and that's why our first Guru was a Sufi and that's why Guru Granth Sahib has banis of saints spanning the whole of India, even as far as South India. Sikhism doesn't mean keeping long hair and wearing turbans and sporting ancient weapons (that are anyway of no use today) and such. If that made one a Sikh, we wouldn't have Sikh criminals.

    Separate homelands are only good for politicians and dictators, and I'm sure Khalistan will be nothing different from Pakistan, a terribly failed nation.

  4. Maman! I am astonished that you got smoked out of hiding! I am overjoyed to have you on our blog again, if only in a comment!

    Hi, again, CK Ji,

    Now, perhaps, I can totally outrage you, politely, though, and respectfully.

    The land mass of Khalistan is PUNJAB. All of it. Where exactly the capital will be, I don't know. Amritsar, I always assumed, for the obvious reason that Harimandir Sahib is there. But Nankana Sahib would certainly be a possibility. How will we accomplish this? I don't know. (Give me points for honesty, at least, please.) But if this is, as I believe, the Hukam of Guru Ji, it will become possible.

    If the Indian government would get off our backs and stop arresting, imprisoning, torturing and killing the best of our young people, governing would not be a problem. Surely, you don't think we would be even more corrupt than the government of India?! I think such is not possible.

    May I make a slight point, as an aside? Sikhi is not an 'ism.' It is a way of life. We, including myself, use 'Sikhism,' but Sikhi is much more accurate.

    'Sikhism is a thought.' And Guru Nanak Dev Ji a Sufi? I'm not sure I understand what you mean. I would really like a full explanation of this. That might be a bit long for a comment. If you would like to write a guest post, please let me know and we could discuss that.

    There is certainly more to being a Sikh than 'sporting' the five K's, but that IS a part of it. I'm sure you know all the arguments about that, so I won't repeat them here. And those 'ancient weapons' really were vital in our fight in Nov. 84. We were not tortured or 'dishonoured' only because we fought. And I dispatched my son's murderer so he could kill no one else.

    Our young people flee Punjab primarily because of the treatment we receive at the hands of the corrupt Indian government and its police force.

    I will not paint the Sikh people of today with a rosy brush. We are not the people that our Gurus would have us be. We have made some horrible errors and have become soft and often silly. Many have lost the spirit of charni kalaa. But many of us are pushing forward, doing what we can, loving our Gurus, studying and applying the lessons of our eternal Guru Ji as best we can.

    I will not speak of the current leadership of the SGPC, as that would be very devisive and my/our intent is to unite, not divide.

    And thanks for acknowleging that we are not terrorists or criminals, although the Indian government would disagree with you!

    Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa!!
    Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!

  5. Since Maman (Vini) and Mai are here, I feel I ought to be here, too, in solidarity. Dharma Kaur Khalsa are all here together!


  6. I find it most amusing to watch you "Sikhs" squabble over this issue of Khalistan. The most your "Khalistan" will ever be is a State in Hindustan. When will you quit insisting that you are not Hindus and come back home where you belong under the umbrella of Sanatana Dharma? CK is right, you have become utterly corrupt. unfit to govern, unable to control yourselves.

    Mai, Suni, Vini, you ARE terrorists and criminals, as well as being bitter old ladies, but you will be welcomed back with open arms.

    Think about it.

    Your long-lost brother, Raj

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. I know who this Raj is. We have been feuding over this for 35 years.

    Just ignore him and he'll slink back under some nearby rock where he belongs. And any further comments from him will be deleted without comment by me.

    See, there is a time to be unkind!



Please feel free to speak your mind. Dissension is allowed and welcomed. I only delete illegal comments and spam. OK, maybe obscene, but not usually.

If you want to contact me personally, my address is theroadtokhalistan@gmail.com