IN MEMORY, 2007

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA
WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

IN LOVING AND GRATEFUL MEMORY

FROM YOUR KHALSA SISTERS
VINI AND SUNI AND MAI

on the 22nd 23rd anniversary of your Shaheedi

the Second Battle of Delhi,
31 October- 4 November, 1984

TO OUR KHALSA BROTHERS

SHAHEED BERTRAM K. SINGH
SHAHEED BALBIR SINGH
SHAHEED EDUARD P. SINGH
SHAHEED MANDEEP SINGH KHALSA
SHAHEED MOHAN SINGH
SHAHEED SANDEEP SINGH

and our two little sisters who died unborn,

BABY KAUR ONE

BABY KAUR TWO

and to all the thousands of our other brothers and sisters who died in this battle/pogrom/massacre.

YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA
WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

OUR SEARCH FOR JUSTICE CONTINUES UNABATED.

KHALISTAN ZINDABAD!!

AMU on DVD

AMU has been released on DVD. For more information, and to purchase, go here.

My Journal - Part Two : 4 December - 10 December 1984

Click here to read the whole unexpurgated journal.


First, please read Part One



Now, is every Sikh trying to be kind to every other Sikh? It has been pointed out to us that some nonSikhs also read this blog. What about them? Well, they can be kind to us, too, lol? Since the whole point is to be kind to our own family, we would urge our cousins to be kind to the members of whatever groop they most closely identify with. Of course, the point is to eventually learn just to be kind, period. Except, of course, when kindness really isn't morally possible.



Then, we continue with Mai's journal:

04 DECEMBER 1984

(2007:The writing in this entry is especially hard to read, just a lot of scrawls covering several pages, but I think I have deciphered it correctly.)



Now these [expletive deleted] have decided to punish me! They have pumped me full of their [expletive deleted] drugs till I can't think straight.



I took H-T, yelled bole so nihal and cut both my arms and dripped blood all over everything. The point being to wash away that [religious slur deleted]blood with some good strong Sikh blood. Lilly screamed, Suni screamed, Hope cried (scwaaaw), Al jumped, but to his credit, didn't scream. Only our nihang seemed to understand and responded Sat sri akal! They immediately grabbed H-T and dumped dope into my IV. OH,[expletive deleted]

Then Al leans over me and speaks in his best 'understanding psychiatrist' voice, 'darling, why do you want to hurt yourself? Were you trying to commit suicide?''



They understand nothing. I didn't want to hurt myself. If I had wanted to die, I would have cut my jugular vein; I'm not an idiot. A fool, maybe, but not an idiot. All I wanted to do was clean the blade of a noble weapon from the [expletive deleted] bloody, vile pollution on it.



(In different handwriting, very neat and precise: This is Al. Forgive me for reading this, but we are all so worried about you. You just screamed,' Bole so nihal!' and slashed both arms so quickly. We thought maybe you were having a back flash. No one is punishing you, but I think you need a little sedation right now. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry, but this is my judgement call. For the time being, I have given you a blunt kirpan. I know you'll scream and holler and be angry, but I don't want to take any chances you right now, dear sister. You may not realise it, but you are emotionally unbalanced at present and need our protection.

If you are still talking to me, please tell me more about this nihang that you and Suni see and is invisible to the rest of us.)



(2007: For anyone who doesn't know, here is an explanation of the Panjabi: http://www.sikh.net/SIKHISM/Boleso.htm )

08 DECEMBER 1984

I convinced Al to take me off all the drugs, not the antibiotic-type stuff, but the druggy-feeling-type drugs. Oh, yeah, the intoxicants. My head actually feels pretty clear.

Al, the nihang has nothing to do with you. Keep your damned psychiatrist brain out of his existence. He is for me and Suni and Hope. He doesn't care about your cowardly self.

Charles keeps asking me, 'How do you feel?'

Oh, brother, I feel just great. When do we start up Mt. Everest?
OK, an inventory.

1. Every muscle feels like it was run over by a Mack truck.
   
2. My right knee has a knife stuck in it.
   
3. My eyes are on fire.
   
4. My head is in a very tight vise.
   
5. Every time I shut my eyes I see my dead husband, son, brother, brother, brother, nephew.
   
6. I can't get the smell of [expletives deleted] blood out of my nostrils.
   
7. Food all tastes like puke and I throw it up.
   
8. And I hear voices screaming for my death in a language I can't understand.

Enough? Enough. And all I can do is lie here.

Suni and I are writing a pact about what we're gonna do next. It all means we're Sikhs and those bastards can't change us into anything less. Other than that I don't know who we are any more.

MANI, COME BACK, YOUR WIFE NEEDS YOU AND BRING SANDEEP AND OUR TWIN KAURS WITH YOU.

Notice I'm off drugs, no bad language.

10 DECEMBER 1984

The drugs have worked their way out of my system, I think. I am feeling more like myself, whoever that is now.

The Pedersens are here. Tom and Sally are grim. Laura looks ghostly (2007:or ghastly, I can't tell which I wrote).

She has hair past her butt and is wearing a kara. A gift from Sandeep, no doubt. I told her 'Take it off, he's dead!' She stared blankly for a moment and then said, 'No, I'll never take it off.' How far had these kids gone while we adults noticed nothing.

I looked at Tom and Sally. He said that Laura has always known her own mind and made her own decisions.

But she just kept crying. Sally and Tom were crying. Al and Charles and Frank and Robert were crying. Suni and Hope were crying. Only Mai and the nihang weren't crying. Nihangs don't cry, but what the hell is wrong with me?
[Religiou slur deleted] We were prepared to sacrifice our lives if need be, but how could they do this to an innocent little Kansas farm girl? Who should have been my daughter-in-law.

MANIMANIMANIMANIMANIMANIMANI

SHAHEEDS

The heroes of 1984

PRECIOUS DOG FOOD

Was nothing too low to do against us?

BURNT ALIVE

Look at our brother and NEVER FORGET

ANOTHER IMAGE FROM TRILOKPURI

FREE BURMA NOW DAMMIT!!!

My Journal - Part One: Introduction, 29 November - 2 December 1984

Click here to read the whole unexpurgated journal.



I DO NOT WANT TO START THIS BLOG WITH A POST OF NOTHING BUT FOUL LANGUAGE. I HOPE MR. McLEAN DOES NOT OBJECT TO MY USING HIS SONG AS A SORT OF INTRODUCTION.





Don McLean

Crossroads

This is lyrics from http://www.lyrics007.com/


I've got nothing on my mind: nothing to remember,
Nothing to forget. and I've got nothing to regret,
But I'm all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I've got;
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be, I'm not anymore.

You know I've heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they've gone the wrong direction.

But there's no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I'll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.

Can you remember who I was? can you still feel it?
Can you find my pain? can you heal it?
Then lay your hands upon me now
And cast this darkness from my soul.
You alone can light my way.
You alone can make me whole once again.









We've walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.

So there's no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we'll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.



INTRODUCTION


This is a journal I kept toward the end of 1984.

My nuclear family and I had gotten got in the (choose one or more:)

1. The Anti-Sikh Riots


2. The Anti-Sikh Pogroms


3. The Second Battle of Delhi


4. The Sikh Genocide of 1984

My husband, son, two brothers, two cousins ant my two unborn daughters were killed. Suni, my sister/cousin, her unborn daughter and I survived.

I was badly beaten and was in a coma for several weeks. When I woke up, I started keeping this journal..For me to journal is as natural as for me to breathe; it has been a part of my life from the time I first learned tom write.

The language and some of the sentiments expressed, especially toward Hindus, are pretty rough. I apologise for neither. Although I rarely use such language and I long ago stopped blaming 'the Hindus' for what happened, given the time and circumstances, I think both are entirely appropriate.

I do blame those who actually did the destruction, as well as those who instigated this bloody massacre, Mr. Jagdish Tytler comes to mind. While I bear no animosity toward those who did not participate, I do still look for justice, a few hangings, starting with the above-mentioned Mr. Tytler.

BAD MOON RISING

by Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see a bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin.
I see bad times today.

Chorus:
Dont go around tonight,
Well, its bound to take your life,
Theres a bad moon on the rise.

I hear hurricanes ablowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I fear rivers over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

Chorus

Hope you got your things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.

Chorus
Chorus

29 NOVEMBER 1984

Alain pretends it's all his fault.
[Expletive Deleted] so smug with his clean white turban, carefully brushed beard...I

want to rip the damned thing off his head, chop off his kesh ... pull the beard out by its roots.

All the pretense.

They have no idea.



MANI

MANI

MANI
You looked so happy.


Sandeep's broken neck bizarre angle

[Religious slur deleted]
Those -expletive deleted] metal bars..heat em red hot...give em a lesson in [expletive deleted]
[Religious slur deleted] on a stick.

Little puppets moving arms and kicking legs , roasting little [religious slur deleted]

[A whole lot of expletives and religious slurs deleted]

30 NOVEMBER 1984

OK, Ms. Mai, now write something rational. How about 3/4; that's rational.

Get control of yourself, lady. Lady? I want my DADDY.
DADDY?
DADDY? Your dead, too.

Dead, dead, all dead.
Alone, alone, all all alone
Alone on a wide,wide sea
And not a saint in heaven took pity on
My soul in agony.

Oh, hi, Daddy, I wanted to talk to you.
--I know, Princess. Is something amiss?
Yes, They've all been murdered. All. singing: Bert Singh and Ed Singh and Bilbar and Mohan, and Mandeep and Sandeep and Kaurs One and Two. I don't understand.
--The Hukam of Waheguru.
A torrent of profanity--Mai wife-widow of Gursikh Mandeep

cusses Waheguru and his [expletive deleted] Hukam --

--Quiet, Harinder, have you gone mad?
Daddy, you didn't see them. All the blood and the [expletive deleted] hit the fan and we fought and they died and I'm still here. Why aren't I with them?
--The Hukam of Waheguru.
I [expletive deleted] hate it.
--I know.
Daddy, I love him and they killed him.
--I know.
Both of them and your dead, too.
--Yes.
You never call me Harinder
--You need to remember who you are.
This is all delusion. I write I talk to ghosts. Why the ghosts of my Mani and our Sandeep. My pure, sweet, innocent son, so loving, so trusting, he really believed everything Mani believed everything. I believed everything. Now? Har. Inder. Too much name. Alone, alone, all, all...
Lilly is staring at me. Stop it, [expletive deleted]! Self-righteous Jain dog[expletive deleted]...you'd just watch em kill everybody, not lift a hand. Can ahimsa win against a mob of [religious slur deleted] eh, Lilly. Quit staring . just sit down and meditate on potatoes.

MANI

1 DECEMBER 1984

Today I will write about today.

Al is trying to be in charge. Poor boy just isn't the leader Daddy was. I hope he'll learn.

He apologised to me: 'Little sister, I'm so sorry this happened.'

THIS HAPPENED? THIS HAPPENED? What kind of bloody statement is that! Mani and Sandeep and Ed and Bert and Bilbar and Mohan and Waheguru knows how many more are dead or dying and he says THIS HAPPENED. [Expletive deleted] OK, I promised no profanity today.

Then he says, 'I'll never let this happen to you again.'

I couldn't help myself; I burst out laughing and laughing. Poor Al couldn't figure out why I was laughing, but he started laughing too and then all the others. Others. I'm never alone. People, people, people. Drs, nurses, visitors, long-faced turbans, everybody gotta gawk at me and cheer me up. Hahahahaha.

Suni and Hope. And Lilly. And the nihang over in the corner. They can stay. The rest just GET OUT!! But they don't hear me. I am so pumped full of narcotics that I can't think straight. Or see straight. I can't really see what I'm writing. The nihang is a hallucination. That's OK. He has a friendly look to him.

(Different handwriting: No he's really there. I can see him, too.)

That was Suni. But she is fanciful. She sees a real nihang ghost watching over us. Our guard. I see a narcotic hallucination. Doesn't matter. I like him, but I hate all these drugs. I bet they mixed tranquillisers with the painkillers. It has been over a month, they tell me. So I need neither painkillers nor tranquillisers. I must demand they take me off before I become a junkie. I'm still a Khalsa, eh? No drugs.

(2007:Something I haven't figured out. Yet. Have to keep trying.)

Suni is walking over to the nihang with Hope. I named her. Suni wouldn't let her be named until I regained consciousness. She could have gone nameless. Guru says she's an 'H'. Hope. Not Punjabi, but we need Hope now. They also call her Harjinder. She is talking to him. The nihang. He is smiling at the baby and kissing, yeah, kissing, her hair. That must mean something. A shared hallucination---we've both flipped out.

(This whole page was obviously wet. Tears, I suppose.)

2 DECEMBER 1984

Wonderful day today! Great day! I am now holding in my hand...

Al came in with a bundle. something wrapped in a saffron cloth. He hands it to me. Be careful, though, he says.

I open it. Two cloths, one torn white t-shirt material. one saffron chunni material or maybe turban or a sash. both really bloody. And all wrapped around my beloved H-T!!!. I had thought she was gone forever. Blade bloody, dried blood now.

Al says, We left it uncleaned. Thought you would like to do that.

No, no, no, no!!! No way, Jose! You don't clean your weapon in the middle of a battle. And this isn't over. And H-T is a weapon!!! No pious kirpan, razor sharp deadly...she did her job.

How did they get her?

Al says when the brahmins rescued us. I grasped them, wouldn't let go.

Then I knew the cloths..The white I had cut off the [expletive and religious slur deleted] (choke) gentleman, hahahahaha, I had killed. A lot of blood comes out of a slashed jugular vein. Poor baby. Teach him to go around killing Gursikhs. I soaked it in his blood. I'm not sure why, It was fun, though.

The other was Suni's chunni. I have ripped it off her and cut off a piece and then put it back over her hair.. I used it to wipe blood off Mani's face and my face too while I was talking to him before he died. Then I wiped Sandeep's face with it later. I was going to clean the blood off my hands, too, cause they looked like Lady Macbeth, but Mani said, no, those are the hands of a sant, not a murderer. They got washed off some later when I washed everyone's face.

My dear H-T. I THOUGHT I HAD LOST YOU FOREVER, FOREVER, BUT YOU'RE TOO TOUGH. YOU DIDN'T BURN WITH THE HOUSE. NOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU. I HAVE AN IDEA. TOMORROW MAYBE.

I still see the Nihang staring at me. What does he want? Suni still insists he's a shaheed guarding us and I still insist he's a shared hallucination...How can we ever know.

They are cutting down on the narcotic because I insisted, but they have to take me off slowly. I've been getting IV drugs for almost a month. At least I can think a little more clearly and I'm not in pain at all. In fact, my whole body feel numb.

Do I need to take Amrit again?

I want to talk to Guru Ji.

MANI

See, I told the whole story an only cussed once.

>

SHAHEEDS

The heroes of 1984

PRECIOUS DOG FOOD

Was nothing too low to do against us?

BURNT ALIVE

Look at our brother and NEVER FORGET

ANOTHER IMAGE FROM TRILOKPURI

STOP 'HONOUR' KILLINGS!

FREE BURMA NOW DAMMIT!!!

31 October 1984

WHEN TYRANTS TREMBLE, SICK WITH FEAR,

AND HEAR THEIR DEATH KNELLS RINGING,

WHEN FRIENDS REJOICE, BOTH FAR AND NEAR,

HOW CAN I KEEP FROM SINGING?

ON GALLOWS HIGH OR FUNERAL PYRE,

OUR THOUGHTS TO THEM GO WINGING.

WHEN SHAHEEDS BY SHAME ARE UNDEFILED,

HOW CAN I KEEP FROM SINGING?

Remembrance and Kindness A Radical Suggestion

A few days ago, this letter came to the Gurmal Learning Zone, a Yahoo! group:

Guru Fateh Khalsa ji,
I am posting this Appeal to all the members in
this forum or group and to all the Sikhs in the World to Come Forward
and Participate in a Kindness Project in the World.
From the Tenth Guru
Nanak Dev ji to Guru Gobind Singh ji,the Life and Blood of Khalsa has
been of Total Kindness till today.

This request is to just let the World know
that Sikhs have been,are and will be in the Forefront when ever
Kindness and Compassion are Spoken of.

Here is a poem summing up Sikhs.
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...
People,even more than things, have to be restored,
renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;
never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Please Copy and Paste this Link in Your Browser:

http://goaddr.com/g6s

Thanking You in anticipation.
Guru Fateh.
Harjit Singh Bajwa

That, in and of itself is an interesting and useful idea. Let's be kind!

I would like to expand on it a bit.

This coming week is not an easy one for us Sikhs as we remember the horrors of 23 years ago. When this blog was new, I was surprised that anyone had found it and having found it, actually read it. An anonymous reader left a comment I have never forgotten. In part, it said:

... The Sikh people have a very very fragile, tender, wounded part of their
heart.. labelled "1984." They will always, whether in public or private, want
some answers, or share some stories, to lessen the grief, to get some empathy,
to unite for justice.

I have a suggestion to make this time a little less difficult and painful for us. It is a little bit radical and I hope no one is offended by it. I call on every Sikh in every part of the world from 31 October to 7 November to be kind and considerate of every other Sikh. For these few days, let us drop our differences and our divisions and be a big, kind, loving family among ourselves.

1. Mr. Singh 1. I am well aware that those fools running the gurdwara are making a mess of things and that Mr. Singh 2 is mismanaging the money, but is it really necessary to pull your kirpan on him?


2. Nihang Ji, I know those fool Nihangs trying to grab power need to be stopped, but is it really necessary to kill your brothers?



3. Mr. Singh, I realise your wife is annoying - I am a wife myself and an expert at being an annoyance to my husband, but when you raise your hand to strike Mrs. Kaur, will you notice the kara on your wrist and remember what is means?


4. Mrs. Kaur, your husband is annoying to you, as well - all husbands are from time to time - but would it really be asking too much to overlook his shortcomings for a week? .

Let us for these eight days have no Sikh commit an act of violence, by word or deed, against another Sikh. Let us have one week of kindness, one to the other. Let this be our remembrance, our gift that we give our beloved family members who achieved shaheedi twenty-three years ago. Let us try this experiment in our homes, in our businesses, in our gurdwaras, in all our dealings for just eight days. Let us see how we react to treating others this way and also being treated with kindness and consideration.

Who are we to make such a suggestion to all Sikhs? We are no official group issuing edicts out of Amritsar. We are just three Kaurs, just three daughters of Guru Gobind Singh Ji Maharaj who love our people, just three Khalsa women. But that's enough, eh?

With love, kindness and gentleness to the Saadh Sangat,

Vini, Suni and Mai,

Dharma Kaur Khalsa


Just one word of caution, if you click on SearchBigDaddy, you will have a 'friend' for life.

This is a really nice presentation of Sikhi to show your nonSikh friends. All the pictures are from this site.

WHY TRY TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT?