An Unexpected Encounter

I had not intended to write this particular post - it seems a little self-serving to me - but the people involved, especially the lady, have asked me to, so how can I refuse?

Since the stroke a year ago April, my main source of exercise has been walking, first around the house, then around the block, now around the neighbourhood. I enjoy these walks; aside from stretching my muscles, I have met many of my neighbours, almost all of whom are very nice people.


I have recently had a miserable cold that put me out of commission for a while. About a week ago, I was able to resume my ramblings.

Just down the street from us, a few houses away, a Sikh lady about my age was working in her front yard. I had seen her many times, always wearing a pale coloured salwar kameez and a filmy white chunni, usually on her hands and knees, working in her garden. She had always looked up at me and smiled slightly and nodded in greeting, but had never said a word to me, although I always gave her a 'sat sri akaal.' I wondered if she was mute or maybe just shy of talking to strangers.

This time, she jumped up and was suddenly directly in front of me on the sidewalk, blocking my way. She was tall and looked very strong. Her hoe was in one hand and she had a serious, determined look on her face. I greeted her as usual, 'Sat sri akaal.'

She shook her head and looked directly in my eyes, then pointed at my kara, my hair covered by a scarf, my left waistband and then the front of my stomach. The Five Ks? I guessed at what she wanted. 'Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru ji ki fateh.'

She actually grinned.

She led me into the soil in her garden. With the handle of her hoe, she began writing in the dirt: a nine, a lower case t with an off-center cross bar and a fishhook on the end, the same t without the fishhook and an 8 with the top broken.

Everyone knows that I lost my Punjabi in the stroke and along with it, my ability to read Gurmukhi. But I have been working on relearning Gurmukhi, starting with the numbers, so I knew at once what she was saying, '1984,' I said out loud to her.

She smiled briefly, then pointed to her eye and brought her finger down her cheek, then pointed to her heart. The meaning was unmistakable - and painful. I repeated her movements and pointing to the scars on my arm said, 'Yeah, me, too.'

She stared at me for a minute, then in a very small, rusty voice said, 'Mai? Harinder Kaur? Blog?'

I had to make a quick decision. I am very jealous of my privacy and have no desire for anyone to know exactly who I am. But she was clearly my sister and I could neither lie to her nor refuse to answer. I said, 'Yes.'

She looked up, gave me a beautiful, unclouded smile - and burst out laughing.

Immediately, the door to the house opened and a young woman, an older woman, a younger man and a little girl came flying out. The younger woman was screaming, 'Mata ji! Mata ji! Mata ji!' over and over again. She grabbed me and demanded, 'Who are you? What have you done to my mother?!'

'Mai. Harinder Kaur,' the lady said, enunciating very clearly. The whole family burst into tears.

'You don't know, but my mother hasn't made a sound since that night in Delhi. Nothing. We thought she'd never talk again. Maybe even her vocal chords were broken or something.'

I, of course, was astonished. I knew she was quiet, and I had suspected she might be a 1984 widow.

We all went inside where we had juice and biscuits. They explained that they had found this blog on a Google search of 'Khalistan' some time ago and had been following it, as well as my personal blog. Although she didn't talk, this lady read and wrote both English and Punjabi and had told them that her story was like mine in some ways.

Her story is actually much worse. She, her husband and her son were visiting in Trilokpuri visiting on that day and were trapped there. Her husband and son were burnt alive in front of her. She was treated as all Sikh women were there that day and left to live or die, with two shaheeds watching over her. Yes, she saw the shaheeds, too.

I will not tell her story beyond that. Perhaps she will later tell it herself in this blog or better still, maybe she'll start her own blog.

After our talk, I asked them for a promise. 'I can tell you're not,' I said to the man, 'but are you women amritdhari?'

All three said, 'Yes.'

'OK, then, will you promise me on your word as Khalsa, and you, on your word as a Sikh, that you won't tell anybody who I am?'

They didn't want to, but in the end they all agreed. I suggested to the man that, although he was quite handsome with just neck-length hair and a trimmed beard, he'd look and feel a lot better if he joined the rest of his family and took amrit. None of my business, perhaps, but I'm neither shy nor reserved about speaking my mind on this matter. And his wife agreed with me, vigorously!

They wanted to meet Suni and Lilly, who were just a few doors away, but they were as sick as I had been the week before, so that had to wait.

Oh, how did the lady know who I was? After all, she had no picture of me and such descriptions as I have given of myself could apply to thousands, maybe millions, of women. All anybody could get out of her was, 'I had a dream.'

The lady herself has read this and tells me it is accurate, and she has chosen the illustrations.
--
WHY TRY TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT?

I have published my post about September 11 on sometimes - 2, as it would not be appropriate here. I f you would like to see it, please go here. You might also like to read the previous post, where I do mention 1984.





Let us take a minute now to remember our brother, Balbir Singh Sodhi, needlessly martyred shortly after the attacks, solely because of his appearance.

UPDATE - The Sikh Turban - Dastaar

I put this in sometimes - 2 earlier today. Maybe it doesn't really belong over here, but I wanted something in this blog that was possibly a little more uplifting than all the unpleasantness about Ms. Maya. I would invite all our readers to go to the blog mentioned and leave a comment. I'm sure the author would learn how important our turbans are to us, and that they have nothing to do with the British!

I read somewhere recently that 99% of the people wearing turbans in America are Sikhs. I'm not sure who the other 1% might be.

The last thing on earth I had intended to do today was write a post about turbans. However, a Google Alert - Sikh - sent me to a woman's blog talking about the turban pat downs at US airports. It was an interesting enough post, clearly written by a non Sikh who found the whole thing interesting and perhaps a bit novel.

I did a double take, however, when she asserted that the Sikh turban was an artifact of the British Raj, something instituted by the British, to be exact

...the turbans didn't even become standard Sikh-wear until the British were in
India and decided that is what Sikhs in their army should
wear.

I started to leave a comment, but partway through, I realised I needed more than just a comment. Hence this post.

The turban has always been part of the Sikh bana, from Guru Nanak Dev Ji, who founded Sikhi, through all ten human gurus, culminating, I suppose with the requirement given by Guru Gobind Singh Ji with the founding of the Khalsa in 1699 . All initiated Sikhs are required to keep unshorn hair, that hair to be cared for and respected and kept covered.

For men, t his has always meant to tie a turban, although boys too young to properly respect and care for a turban, as well as sportsmen, often wear a kind of smaller covering called a patka. It is a big deal when a boy first wears a turban, a cause for celebration and partying. ( My own son 's adopting of the turban was rather strange and he really was a bit young.)

Women have usually worn a long scarf called a chunni, although this is changing. Most Western Sikh women generally do wear the full turban, as all Sikh women should; Sikhi makes no distinction between men and women in religious practice and obligations.

I ask you at this point to please visit this link to Sikiwiki, the Sikh on-line encyclopedia. It is a bit long, but well-researched and written and better than I can do here.

One of my favourite Sikh websites, All About Sikhs , has this article about the turban, which begins:

Turban is and has been an inseparable part of a Sikh's life. Since Guru
Nanak Dev, the founder of Sikhism, all Sikhs have been wearing turbans.

This whole pat-down thing is obnoxious and unnecessary. I know my husband Mani would have thought nothing of flattening anyone who had the effrontery to touch his turban. My sister Suni and her husband Amritdeep are currently visiting here in Seattle. They have decided to drive to Vancouver, Canada, when it's time to fly home to Montreal rather than risk having security mess with their turbans.

To Sikhs, this is a very big deal.A Sikh's turban is never a fashion statement. The turban is both sacred and pleasurable to us. I know Mani would take forever - or so it seemed - to tie his. One time I asked him why he didn't hurry it up a bit. He said it was something he enjoyed and loved to linger over, as one would a fine meal. His turbans, at least two a day, were never thrown on the dirty clothes heap, but were always washed separately with great respect.

I grew up with Dad and five of my seven brothers wearing turbans. Even today, a man without a turban looks slightly undressed to me.

Something I have learned recently, on a practical level is that the turban has at least one very desirable physical effect. Since my stroke in April, 2006, I have been plagued with blinding headaches. When I told Suni about that, she tied a turban on me and the headache was gone immediately. Of course, as soon as it's removed, the pain is back. Check me out on this. The next time you get a headache, place your hand very lightly over where it hurts. That slight pressure does amazing things. A turban places that light pressure all over the head.

The first time I tied a turban - I might add, with Mani's help - was in Delhi, when we knew we would be attacked. I was to fight with the men and I needed to look like a boy. First, my chest had to be bound, then I dressed in a blue cholla. Last, we tied the saffron turban on my head. It gave me the kind of courage and confidence that I needed to face what was coming. I knew I could never disgrace the turban I was wearing, as that would be to betray everything I held sacred.

As I see it, there are two problems with wearing a turban. The first is that you'll stand out. For a Sikh that should be no problem. (See my signature at the bottom of this post.*) The second is that you might get taken for a terrorist. I have no cure for that except education. I hope this post has actually educated at least one reader.

I sincerely hope that nothing I have said offends anyone. And as always, if I have made any errors here, I apologise and I would appreciate being corrected. Thank you.

Drawing Courtesy of The Daughters Of The Khalsa

*WHY TRY TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT?

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The lady whose post inspired the above wrote a comment in the sometimes - 2, blog. Here is what she had to say:

from the ashes has left a new comment on your post "The Sikh Turban (Dastaar)":

Mai- I'm actually glad you stumbled across my blog and my unusual (for me) post about security and turbans. It was nice to have a Sikh comment on the issue. I'm sorry to have offended you. Believe it or not, I know a little more about Sikhi that your average American (that doesn't take much). I have also in my life been quite respectful to various religions traditions and practices.

It is quite a commitment to wear a turban (or a head scarf, or garments, or whatever) all through one's life, and also difficult, especially when you are in the minority to do so. As you could see from my post, many of my opinions of religion are changing and up in the air right now. I just blurted out my first thoughts on the matter after reading the article. After reading your comments and post, as well as the comments of a couple of my regular readers, I can step back a little and see a different side.

Turbans, as such, are really a harmless side of religion, as opposed to some aspects of religion that can be harmful to some. As, for example, the misogyny and racism in my Mormon heritage. Asking Sikhs to remove their turbans in security checks likely causes more offense than any good would come of it--I find it extremely hard to believe that a Sikh would hide a composite gun in his turban, for example.

For me, my post was essentially about the deference we give religion just because it's religion, and Sikhs happen to be a starting point because the article made me think of it. Since you came by, it became a personal issue, and I thank you for that. Hearing about your BIL and SIL who have to cross into Canada to fly out--that struck me in a way that the newspaper article did not. The US shouldn't be making it harder and harder for Sikhs (and Muslims) to live here; we should be making it easier.

With regards to the history of the turban, I will defer to your knowledge. My comment about the British came from that book I linked. I went to grab my copy of the book so I could quote the part about Sikhs and the British army, but I don't have it with me. What I remember is that turbans were part of Sikh tradition, but that the British instituted it as required wear for Sikh soldiers, and this resulted in a _standardization_.

I could be remembering it totally wrong, of course. I'll remove that sentence from my post. Posted by from the ashes to sometimes - 2 at 9/07/2007 9:56 AM

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And while you're at it, check out this story about a Sikh forced to remove his turban and untie his hair PUBLICLY.

My Bad - Reconsidering - Another Link

UPDATE: Those following the story of this young girl will probably interested in going to this link.

Growing up in my Dad's family, one of his strictest rules was to look at an issue from at least two, and usually more, viewpoints before taking a stand. This was much practiced at our dinner table when we would be in a hot dispute about something, anything, and Dad would suddenly shout: 'Switch!' That was the signal to start arguing, with equal vigour, the opposing point of view. His theory was that you couldn't really understand anything, if you didn't understand the other side. And who knows, maybe the other guy will turn out to be right. Narrow mindedness is unSikh.

Another of his strict rules involved kindness. There might be times when kindness is uncalled-for - I think of us in Delhi, for example - but in general, you should be kind. Unnecessary unkindness just adds to the pain in the world and accomplishes nothing positive. And is unSikh.

My last post violated both principals. I saw something and reacted - immediately - purely on an emotional level. I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach, that the dead bodies of my family lying at my feet were being treated as meaningless, in short, I took this whole thing very personally. (If Vini were here, she would never have permitted me to be so harsh.)

Let me be clear: I cannot condone changing one's religion for reasons of expediency, no matter what religion from or to. I think these parents are making a grave mistake. But I do not doubt that their daughter's welfare is their utmost concern. Clearly, she is loved and cherished, as all daughters should be, and her parents are acting from love.

Perhaps their local sangat could send someone who, like myself, survived the tragedy of 1984, who had family members murdered for being Sikh, to talk to them and show them the brilliant jewel that is Sikhi and help them see what it is they are throwing away. These parents need to be taught, not insulted and reviled.

So Mr. B Singh and Mrs. B. Kaur, I apologise for my harsh words. Now please, if you will listen to me, for your own sakes as well as your lovely daughter, reconsider.

To CK, whose comment made me rethink this: I believe that it is very Sikh to stand up and say 'I was wrong.' Thank you for pointing out my misbehaviour. I will be more careful and kind in the future. Mai

(Suni and Vini had nothing to do with that post)

UPDATE SEE BELOW Do We Cry Or Vomit?

Is this what our shaheeds, including my family, died for?

From The Daily Mail

20 August 2007

Sikh Girl Will Convert For A Place At Catholic School

By PAUL SIMS - More by this author » Last updated at 23:18pm on 19th August 2007

The parents of a Sikh girl want to convert her to Roman Catholicism to win a place at the school of their choice.

Baljit and Bal Singh say they will change their four-year-old daughter's religion if it means she can attend their favoured school next month.

Scroll down for more ...

Maya Kaur's Sikh parents are considering changing her religion in the hope she may be allowed into the Catholic school

Maya Kaur has been attending a nursery at St Paul's Roman Catholic School in Wolviston, Cleveland, for the past two years.

But her parents have been told there is no place available for her when she starts full-time education in a few weeks.

After losing an appeal, the couple say they are seriously considering changing her religion in the hope she may be allowed into the school, which gives priority to Catholic children.

Mr Singh said: "We think Sikhism is similar to Roman Catholicism so we put her in that school. She's been there for two years, she goes to church with them, she says a prayer before she eats her dinner.

"I'll baptise her as Roman Catholic so she can go to the school."

St Paul's admissions policy gives priority to children who have been baptised Roman Catholic, have been formally received into the Catholic church and live in the catchment area, or who have a sibling at the school. Priority then goes to other Christian denominations before children of other faiths.

The Singhs' extraordinary proposal is likely to be frowned upon within the Sikh religion, which takes some of its identity from ancestors who were persecuted and martyred for refusing to convert to other faiths.

Among the stories taught within the faith is that of Guru Tegh Bahadur, the ninth of the founding gurus of Sikhism who was beheaded in 1675 by the Mughal emperor Aurangzeb for refusing to convert to Islam.

The Singhs insisted that they were doing nothing wrong in trying to get the best for their daughter.

"Two years ago when they took her into the nursery why didn't they say she wouldn't get a place straight away in the primary school?" said Mr Singh.

"I would have got her baptised then - or I'd have put her in another school."

Maya has been offered a place at William Cassidi School, a nearby Church of England school. But her parents claim she is upset and wants to remain with her friends.

Catherine Connelly, head at St Paul's, said the school had received 34 applications this year, compared to the norm of 24. The class size had also been expanded to the legal limit of 30.

"We are proud of our school's inclusive nature and we have children of several different faiths and ethnic groups," she said.

"We allocated the places according to our published admissions criteria which all parents had access to."

I don't know how to tag this: Disrespect, Ingratitude, Stupidity, Ignorance...?

Maybe the parents will come to their senses and quit being pushed around by a four-year-old girl, however pretty and charming. After all, this story is all over the Net today.

Or maybe the Church will refuse to sanction such a fraudulent conversion. Nah, I'm dreaming!

MAYA AND FAMILY: WHY TRY TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT?

UPDATE SURPRISE:

From BBC News, the Catholic Church responds:

A diocesan spokesman said it welcomed adults who wanted to become followers of Christ's teachings, but that children were "another matter".
He said only parents who are themselves Catholic Christians could make such a commitment for their child.

The vice chairman of the UK Sikh Federation, Jagtar Singh, said children should be allowed to choose their own religion when they were old enough.
He said: "When a child is born, the parents try to bring up that child on the basis of what they think is best.
"So if they practice any particular faith they are likely to bring that child up in that faith, knowing the child will make their own decisions when they grow up.
"They may choose to not believe in that faith, move to another faith, and that will be the individual's choice."

Apology For An Oversight

This is not what I usually do, but this time I feel the need.




There is a website that I often visit and have bookmarked on my browser. I have found it both useful and interesting. Last night I tried to access it from this blog while on another computer and discovered, much to my dismay that I had never entered it in the list of links.



So my good young sisters and brothers in British Columbia, I am most sorry for this oversight. Look on the link list. You are now listed!

Sikh Youth of British Columbia, Canada.

Now, a question, what is going on in Canada, anyway? That CBC travesty, the children's pictures on the passports, the Kaur/Singh name thing and, mostly tragically, the ordered deportation of Laibar Singh Ji.

Is Kim Bolan running things up there now or what? Do I need to come back home and personally straighten out the country? Is that a task to give to a (supposedly) dying woman?

Note: If there are any other glaring omissions in my links, please either email me or leave a comment and I'll look into it. Thanks

WHY TRY TO FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT?